What a hilarious misunderstanding.

Remember the time you thought "bushido" was "bukkake"?
Remember the time I grew a strange look and informed the world I had my waist through the leg-hole of my underwear?
Remember the time you thought Norway was "Norweiga"?
Remember the time I took your pants on mistake?
Remember the time I April fooled you so good, that it tok me a week to get you to believe it was only April Fools?
Remember the time we went to war with Iraq instead of Afghanistan?
Remember the time you were convinced of my lies and accused me of relations with your exes?
Remember the time you kissed me and I screamed in your face?
Remember the time you made fun of my speedometer for not working, although it was because my car got hit by lightening?
Remember the time you said 'grotesquely beautiful' and I fell irrationally in love with you?
Remember the time you said "I understand" and you didn't?
Remember the time we bailed out/paid billions of dollars to criminals?
Remember the time we simulated drowning to extract critical information?
Remember the time you decided to no longer read your material to your students?
Remember the time I ran away?
Remember the time I forgot to write blogs?
Remember the time you responded to all my anonymii?
Remember the time I begged you to let my cells expire and cease multiplication?
Remember the time no one sent help to a squall in N'awlins?
Remember the time your laughter was holographic?
Remember the time we took vicodin and watched the Spanish channel?
Remember the time you proposed to me and I said " I'm 14."?
Remember the time you went searching for Nazi gold and I told you how to get it?
Remember the time when no one believed us?
Remember the time I invented you?
Remember the time I hadn't been in a relationship for years and you hadn't either, but then I got into one, and you did the same thing within two week?
Remember the time I forgot how to think, write, or feel?
Remember the time dad kept calling you PJ?
Remember the time we vowed upon?

I'm slowly but surely forgetting.

A Miracle Would Happen

--------Everyone tells you that the minute you get marriedEvery other woman in the worldSuddenly finds you attractiveWell, that's not trueIt only affects the kind of womenYou always wanted to sleeep withBut they wouldn't give you the time of day beforeAnd now they're banging down your doorAnd falling to their kneesAt least that's what it feels like because you
Can
Not
Touch
Them
In fact, you can't even look at them
Close your eyes, close your eyes, close your eyes
Except you're sitting thereEating your corned beef sandwichAnd all of a sudden, this pair of breasts walks byAnd smiles at youAnd you're like
That's not fair
And in a perfect worldA miracle would happenAnd every other girl would fly awayAnd it'd be me and you and nothing else would matterBut it's fine, it's fine, it's fineI mean, I'm happyAnd I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine
It's not a problemIt's just a challengeIt's a challenge to resist
Temptation
And I have to say thatWhat exacerbates the problemIs I'm at these partiesI'm the center of attentionI'm the grand fromageAnd here she comes:"Let's get a cup of coffee.Will you look at my manuscript?"And I'm showing her my left handI'm gesticulating with my left handAnd then WHOOMP! There's Cathy!'Cause she knows(They always know)And there's that really awkward momentWhere I try to show I wasn't encouraging this
(Though of course I sort of was)
And I don't want to look whipped in front of this womanWhich is dumb - I shouldn't care what she thinksSince I can't fuck her anyway.And in a perfect worldA miracle would happenAnd every girl would look like Mister EdAnd it'd be me and CathyAnd nothing else would matterBut it's fine, it's fine, it's fineYou know I love herAnd it's fine, it's fine, it's fine
It's what I wanted
And I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine!It's not a problemIt's just a challengeIt's a challenge to resist
Temptation
I'll be there soon, babyI'll finish up this chapter and be out the doorI swear I'll be there soon, CathyDon't give up on me yetI am so proud of you, babyYou're doing what you never got to do beforeAnd I will be there, ripe and crawlingIf fuckin' Random House stops callingDon't lose faithDon't get downDon't despairI'll be thereAnd in a perfect worldA miracle would happenAnd that day would finally be hereAnd it'd be me and youRiding it togetherAnd the things we doGoin' like we plannedWe're gonna make it throughAnd nothing else will matterWe'll be fine, we're fineWe're fine, we're fine, we're fineI'll be there soon, baby...
I swear I will-------------

Sigh. Thank God for JRB.